Corruption

Cosmic Cataclysms

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:01:10 GMT

Is it strange
That at times
All I really want to do is be devoured by the sun
To become one with complete incompleteness
How many times has this dream of opulence
Enveloped reason and truth
All of these observations remain surmise
As vice becomes reality, becomes escapism
I remain product
Bought and sold
As a luxury good item
Your crimes, against my humanity
Love, is not lovelorn
Lust, is not bloodlust
We, though minor blips in this sea of creation
Become a point of interest
The perfect mix of sorrow and ecstasy
When your wandering eyes focus
Take note
Realize, that I've always been all you have needed
And that your search will always start and end with me.

La inquietud guardada

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:55:40 GMT

I would be lying if I denied that this abyss of humanity has left me feeling like I am in solitary confinement. I wonder if my compliment was even created, or If I am the sock that was found when the pair was broken. Seconds become minutes become hours.

It is hard always being the bigger person, when sometimes all you want to do is dismantle people the way they've dismantled you. Maybe then I can try to pour the love you had for me back into your chest, but empires have crumbled, monuments have been erected, and an architect's hands cutoff, for this very reason. I sometimes wish we could sit silently next to one another for five minutes, let all the white noise settle. We could pretend it was some buddhist ritual, something that would bring us enlightenment. I want to let space and time bend around us into the love embrace of the universe.

I sometimes write love letters to myself and pretend they are from you, pretend that with every morsel of your being you have transfered your love into tangible and quantifiable lyrics in a letter. I wonder if in some parallel universe you are in my position and I in yours.

Thu, 08 May 2008 03:28:04 GMT

i'm still addicted and honestly nothing seems to lessen the cravings

i wonder who would play me, and more importantly who would play you

Mon, 05 May 2008 10:01:36 GMT

Two silhouetted figures stand on Eleanor Street
Orange light raining down on an almost solemn May night
The silence is cut by some neighbors drinking beer
He looks at me and demonstrates how easy riding a bike is
how freeing riding a bike is
how necessary riding a bike is
I'm scared
I am going to fall
I ask him to promise not to laugh at me when I fall
He says he will laugh because he would laugh at a five year old falling
I fall
He laughs
I lay on the asphalt
I stare into the orange glow
I knew this was bound to happen
I get up
He is determined
He is beautiful
His crooked smile and defined face always did slay me
I hesitate this time
I tell him I am scared
He said I need to stop thinking
But how does one rid them self of all these neurons firing
He says he is getting me ready for the next person
A metaphor for who is to come?
I beg him not to make me do it again
He says its so beautiful to ride a bike
A man rides past us effortlessly
Insult to injury
I look into his eyes
I give him the puppy dog kind of eyes that I have mastered in my 22 years of life
He straddles the bike
He speaks but everything is silent
Everything is silent
And all I can do is think of the history that lives inside the both of us.
I truly love him
He warned me when I arrived at his house
that a lot of the things I gave him were in his room
And that they were
Strewn across his deep gray walls
And pure wooden shelves
I'm with him even when I am not around
He tells me to try riding the bike one more time
I do
I balance longer this time
Still scared he will see me vulnerable again
He says I gave up
But I never really did
And secretly he is my first and last thought
-I promise to learn how to ride a bike by your birthday-
I laid in your bed

Acto de fe

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 05:37:20 GMT

Hope to see you guys at my opening reception!

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:33:15 GMT

So I get the following message and answered honestly:

Am I Your:
(1) Baby
(2) Best Friend
(3) Bitch
(4) Teddy Bear
(5) Crush
(6) Enemy
(7) Partner in Crime
(8) Homie
(9) Bootie Call
(10) Cutie

Sometimes when I am being a 1 (baby) and I 3 (bitch) about life I realize you are of my 2 (best friends) you will always be my 5 (Crush) because we used to be 7s (Partners in crime) [plus you do have a criminal record] and I know that no matter what I will always 11 (Love you immensely) because you are an amazing man.

It cut me down to the bone...

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:07:49 GMT

...so I thought I would share it.

it was one of those songs that sounds so familiar but you have never heard.

de miel a temor.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:39:21 GMT

algunas veces pienso en olvidarme de las historias que vuelan al oceano
encontrando paz en el sal de mar
cuantes veces me encuentro llorando en silencio
y huardando las palabras que nunca e podido dicir
yo se que no soy inocente, que este cuerpo se esconde para divorciarme de mi juventude robada
cuantes veces e cantado la misma cancion, triste y embarada de melencolia
se podiera sonar de un fin mas cinematico
pero todo vivido era de pelicula

no se que dicir, ni que sintir...

A New Proposito.

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 10:18:25 GMT

So today, I decided that my New Years Resolution is not to be afraid to be an artist and to let go of all of the negative things that have been attached to that concept.

After I graduate Pitzer College this year, I will apply to Art Center and truly refine the techniques and love I have developed for art. I will give myself over completely because its the only way I know to show someone that I love them.

My love affair with art has definitely blossomed, but it has always been in my blood, it is an ancestral right that has been passed down to me and flows freely through my being.

Perez Hilton

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:35:04 GMT

So for the second time in my young adult life, I have been approached by a random stranger at a club and I have been asked if I am Perez Hilton. Last night when I said I wasn't, The guy that asked was not convinced that I was telling the truth because he told me that he asked someone if they were Chingy, they said that they weren't and it ended up that it was Chingy. I swore to God I wasn't Perez and told him I swear to God only when it is the truth (which it was the truth). He told me a lot of people in the club were wondering if I was Perez, and then He left still skeptical and believing that I was Perez.

So some people @ Magnolia in Pasadena now believe they were partying with the likes of the shit talking, bad rapping Perez Hilton.

So now the question: Do I look like Perez Hilton?

-Edwin

La Conquista

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 20:31:08 GMT

Today, November 16th, 2007 at 7:00-9:00pm I will be having my Art Closing at Pitzer College.

1050 N. Mills Avenue
Claremont, CA 91711

Park in the East Mesa Parking lot.

The show is in the Salathe Gallery (Located downstairs in McConnell)

Hope to see you there lovelies!

Much Love,
Edwin Alexis

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 05:52:52 GMT

My love is like footsteps in the snow, baby,
I follow you everywhere you go, baby.
The pain as light has come to wake you
But you will never realize
That I inspire the dreams that guide you baby.

I follow the winds that bring the cold, baby,
I light a fire in your soul, baby.
The lightest touch of feathers falling
My love may be invisible
But I inspire the dreams that guide you, baby

You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.

Your singing satellite

You say a prayer
You say a prayer

You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.

I follow the winds that bring the cold, baby,
I light a fire in your soul, baby.
The lightest touch of feathers falling
My love may be invisible
But I inspire the dreams that guide you, baby

You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.

Todavia quiero a M.A.S. mucho, fui al museo LACMA con el hoy y me estuve recordando todo lo bello que compartimos en un tiempo corto.

Como jode conmigo (amorosamente)

Habia momentos que no lo podia ver porque era tan doloroso.

Hay vemos que va pasar.

Mucho Amor,
Edwin Alexis

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 20:29:48 GMT

My life has been quite strange lately, but definitely good.

A mish mash of human experience that I decided to experience alone for quite some time. I'm scared to let him in because that would mean distraction, and energy loss. I have everything to lose but everything to gain and all I can think about is the losses. He's older, makes good money, cares about his friends and family, but am i ready for this?

I'm 21 years old, and I don't want to let anyone hold my back, after Pitzer is Film School, then Nicaragua, then grad school, and a doctorate program, if I have someone depending on me romantically all it does is is mix-up my priorities and shift what I want/feel/need/love.

We'll see how this all pans out, we are going to Cirque Du Soleil Corteo when it comes to town.

En estas palabras encuentro historias que yo conozco muy bien.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 09:31:53 GMT

Enfermo llegué
y para componerme ando de vago
No me des tu obediencia
por que te enseño mi cuerpo de lobo
a donde la piel estuvo debil
con una hambre que no me deja cantar

En mi vida,
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me prometistes tu sangre

Yo no me quedo en mi vida
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me prometistes tu sangre
yo no me quedo

Y ya que caiste de este mundo
cargo una navaja
dios mio
para ti
Cuantas veces me mordiste
y cuantas veces yo me fui

Y ya no me estoy enamorado
con tus mentiras
el infierno me duermo
por que el infierno es la unica verdad

En mi vida,
el oscuro me mantiene
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me prometistes tu sangre

Yo no me quedo en mi vida
el oscuro me mantine
cuando yo te vi
en la lluvia me prometistes tu sangre
yo no me quedo

Estrella de la mañana
Ismael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti

Estrella de la mañana
Ismael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti

Estrella de la mañana
Ismael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti

Estrella de la mañana
Ismael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti

Estrella de la mañana
Ismael te persigo a ti
y si me quedo sin alas
ademas me muero por ti

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 02:30:43 GMT

Ideas I've been pondering:

Champagne taste for beer budgets

Broken Love Cycle

The summer every single star died

Transexual Prostitutes of Managua

Have yet to meet my equal

You aren't safe with drunk straight boys

My skills in predicting things is uncanny

I've dreamt of my daughter before (she's beautiful)

Love does exist

People are funny

People will do everything in their power to take your power away

Life usually irons itself (Thank God! I hate ironing!)

Children don't know any better.

Laugh at yourself

Embrace imperfection

Erase everything that hurts

If you remove yourself from certain situations, then no one can push your buttons

Thank all of your automatic functions! (without them you would be dead)

Forgive others

More importantly forgive yourself

Remember that in the end it is not what you owned, it is what kind of person you were

:: Represent ::

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 21:42:56 GMT

So far this guy seems like a keeper, we'll see how our art date in glendale goes; hopefully well. I found out my cousin Krizia is going to be there because her boyfriend's sister is one of the featured artists and so is Angel Villanueva from Pitzer.

Try to make it if you can! wish me luck guys!

Much Love,
Edwin

MMA Group and Plans

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:26:20 GMT

So I know I've been M.I.A. For the last couple of weeks, I've been working very hard at this Marketing Agency called MMA Group as a Design Temp. They do some huge event and creative planning for multi billion dollar companies. So basically I help them throw posh parties that I can attend. They work with Gwen and Harajuku lover which always makes me giggle like a japanese school girl when I think of it! In the works at the moment I am designing the Flyers for Courtney Love's First concert in 10 years which is awesome! My boss is a heartless bitch, at times she makes me have that sinking feeling like when you are in a car accident and it is your fault.

It's quite high pressure and honestly I'm happy it is just for the summer, this is way too hard on this Nicaraguan heart, but maybe after I graduate I will go back and try for a permanent position.

Check out their site: mmagroup.biz

I have this plan starting:
2008: Graduate from Pitzer (Art & Media Studies), Go to Film School
2009: Graduate from Film School, Live in Nicaragua for a year and continue my documentary series
2010: Grad School (Antioch University - Seattle) Art Therapy Program
2010-?: Move to Silverlake/Hollywood/Santa Monica, Open my own cafe (concept will remain private until I open it), Start on feature length film to be submitted to Cannes and Sundance
2015: Open my own Art Therapy/Video Non-Profit

Colour

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:07:40 GMT

I'm alone with you so far
It doesn't matter where you are
I want to wash up on your shore
More beauty then i've seen before no secret lover
Will ever take the place of you
Colour me blue
As you
I want to see you yesterday
The little things in your way
It's in your eyes i realize
The parallels of our disguise
No single other
Can understand my point of view
Colour me blue
as you
Colour me blue
As you
With you now i've come to find
That my love for you was blind
Was it the depths of your sea
That pulled me from you
Or you from me
I want to see you yesterday
The little things in your way
Your happiness and sorrow too
They only come in shades of blue
But no other colour
Could give off quite a hue
Colour me blue
As you
Colour me blue
As you
Colour me blue
As you
Colour me blue

Can't Sleep

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 10:26:56 GMT

4.30 A.M, I'm awake again
Singing to the dark through open eyes
While dreaming I see only you and me
Stuck between desire and compromise

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar
There's nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can't help reaching out for more

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

You're leaving me scars scattered in my heart
A road map of all the places you have been
And I can't escape, can't wash this away
Love has burned your mark so deep within

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar
There's nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can't help reaching out for more

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 08:07:03 GMT

I'm afraid for you, and I pray to God you are okay.

Super Sweet Breakdowns.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 07:27:42 GMT

Is it wrong that I live for the moment rich snotty girls cry on Super Sweet 16 (1) Cry because they couldn't book the artist that they wanted to perform at their party (2) Cry because their mother/father got them the wrong car (even though they can't drive it because they don't have a license) (3) Say they look fat and cry!

oh children, life could be so much worse!

Art Date Avec Moi. Any Takers?

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 10:50:48 GMT

"Late Night @ LACMA"
On Thursday, June 21st, 7pm - 3am

+Art on View+
Dan Flavin: A Retrospective
Dan Flavin Drawings
Select permanent collection galleries

+Music+
Plaza Stage
The Rebirth
Ima Robot

Plaza DJs
The Internationalist
DJ El Melaaza

Pentimento
DJ Dub Asher
DJ El Magico
The Internationalist + other local DJs

Hammer Plaza
DJ Steve Aoki + Crew
Performance

Lucent Dossier Vaudeville Cirque

+Film+
Hairspray (8 pm)
Courtesy of New Line Cinema

In the Shadow of the Moon (11 pm)
Courtesy of THINKFilm

+Tours+
Art Chats: Dan Flavin (8 pm and 9 pm)

+Book Signings+
Luminair, Nick Pugh
Lift Off and Start Your Engines, Scott Robertson
Daphne 01, Daphne Yap
Comic Book Penciling with Stephen Platt, Stephen Platt
Doodles, The Black Frog

+Mural Making+
Ronald Kurniawan, interactive murals

+Art Making+
Hit + Run, interactive t-shirt screening
Film Projections

+Foodage+
Tea Tasting with Teaposy
Chocolate Tasting with Bloomsberry
Lisa Roberts presentation and collectables
LA Artists, LA Gallery

RSVP! It's a free event!

Latin American Film Festival

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 20:07:26 GMT

So in the wake of Kimberly Bautista not getting into local film festivals (at least as of late) I have decided to create my own film festival surrounding the human condition in Latin America. This will probably occur in august or october.

The name is still in the works but I just realized that grassroots film festivals are the way to go.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 10:54:57 GMT

so, i'm addicted to national geographic channel again and mike, tonight made that very clear.

Somos Fiesta (My First Documentary)

Thu, 17 May 2007 17:36:52 GMT

Somos Fiesta, started off as a search for a queer community in the predominantly Catholic country of my origin, Nicaragua. I was asked to stay in the closet by my mother for fear of how family I had yet to meet would take it. I was extremely hurt because I had been out of the closet six years prior to this trip. My mother finally came around and told my family about my sexuality. I was then helped to locate queer Nicaraguans living in states of marginalization, secrecy, and silence. The day before my trip back I got an interview with my cousin Maria Ligia co-worker and friend Alving Alméndorez Jiménez.
It was 40 minutes of footage packed with funny anecdotes, struggle, and a glimpse into the life of the silenced. It was hard finding a cohesive layout, my use of titles/questions tied the interview together. My introduction and conclusion came directly from the heart and allowed there to be a context in which this piece could work off of. I cut the piece into 25 minutes, losing some of the very interesting side talk simply because it messed with the flow of the interview. I feel that Somos Fiesta and Mariposas compliment each other and are part of the same series. The following is a series of notes and footage that spoke to me and shed light on the contents of the interview:

Cochon – Equivalent to maricon, meaning faggot in Spanish

The Closet and Alving – Alving has been able to talk to anyone except his own mother due to her changing the subject rapidly, and not allowing Alving to share his hopes, dreams, and fears. He did not know I was queer and felt uncomfortable at first because he thought I was coming at the issue as an outsider. I outed myself in order to comfort him as well as get a very in depth analysis about gay life in Nicaragua.

Closeted men & the “down-low” – In Nicaragua, it is typical for men to invite each other out for a drink and it ending in sexual intercourse. Alving went on to talk about how this was a recurring theme in gay life, and that if you crossed paths with the man you had sexual intercourse with the next day it would be as if nothing happened. I was told that purely sexual relationships become difficult when someone develops feelings for the other. Handshakes tell a lot about a man, the stronger it is, or the more masculine they portray themselves to be can shed light on just how confused and sexually frustrated they are. The darker side of these purely sexual relationships is that at times gay men end up stabbed to death, either during sex or afterwards. This stems in my opinion from internalized homophobia and societal pressures that deem acts of sodomy as immoral and illegal. Alving talked about strength in numbers; how friends would go over with you to someone’s house in order to ensure your safety.

Discrimination – Discrimination is felt and seen from early childhood on. People use cochon (faggot) openly to degrade Queer Nicaraguans. (I dare to say Queer Nicaraguans rather than Nicaragua Queers because they are differentiated by their sexuality first and foremost rather than deemed similar because of a shared culture and ethnicity) Alving recalled a story from school where they would line up and children would say he was a woman and needed to get out of the line.

Transsexual Prostitution – Managua is known for its amount of transsexual prostitutes that do whatever necessary to survive. Their story is definitely a sad one filled sometimes with drugs, but always with a need to survive. Transsexual prostitutes are generally young and do not live past thirty according to Alving. In my research I found a news report about a transgender woman that cut her penis off in a small city in Nicaragua. The shots of the interview never showed her complete face, she talked about just how tired and uncomfortable she way with her genitalia, and that she decided to risk death in order to finally feel comfortable with herself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZGDruqmjn4)

Somos Fiesta – The name came quite simple for this interview/documentary. It stemmed from something powerful Alving says. “We are all a fiesta, a carnival. Wherever we go we bring happiness no matter how sad or hard things are. In that moment with friends you forget all the problems that live inside of you; you allow yourself to just be happy.” I feel this was a pivotal point in revisiting the footage.

What’s Next – We go into the topic of HIV/AIDS as well as other STD/STIs. In retrospect I wish I would have considered just how important this issue is seeing as I used to work for an HIV/AIDS Latino non-profit. It is definitely an aspect I need to revisit.

This project really spoke volumes to me about just how hard being queer in Nicaragua is. I definitely foresee more work in Nicaragua about the Transgender/Transsexual community’s struggle. I also feel it is my duty to work on overturning the legislation set forth by Article 204 in Nicaragua. I want to give a voice to my queer brothers and sisters in Nicaragua.